Autism & Relationships

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Internet Resources

He is the most loving, kind, affectionate, thoughtful person I have ever met. I am so proud of him, not just because he has overcome prejudice, but because he is....well, he's just lovely.
Melanie
In the case of autism abusers, the abuser may adhere to the myth that the autistic has no real human feelings, and so it is okay to abuse the autistic.
Stan P.
Persons with autism or related conditions are invited to post friendship, pen pal, and romance personal ads.
Their union has shown that it is possible for people with AS to find the kind of companionship and fulfillment that other people take for granted.
People with high-functioning AS, with supportive education, are capable of making a balanced decision about their parenting preferences... If they already have children and are struggling, they and their families need resources, support and education.
Judy Singer
A forum for people with Asperger's Syndrome (or those with related issues) and their Partners to try learn from each other how to cope, support and to better our relationships.
This is a forum for spouses and partners of those diagnosed with AS.
We hope to provide a positive message about Asperger's Syndrome within marriage, and to show that it is possible to maintain a functional and successful relationship.
Gisela and Christopher Slater-Walker
Selections from a discussion thread involving partners of men with Asperger Syndrome. 'The posts here aren't always positive, but they do reflect the reality of living with a partner with AS.'
A voluntary forum run by and for the partners of people who have AS. Our pages are open and relevant to anyone, whatever age, gender etc. who cares about someone who is or may be high-functioning autistic.
Unless the stereotypical view that A.S. are by definition sociopathic, or that men by their nature are proto-rapists is corrected, the fundamental problems in relationships, having been incorrectly framed, will remain unresolved.
Bronwen van der Wal
This is a friendship and dating site for anyone with autism, aspergers, anyone on the autistic spectrum, and for people with an interest in dating someone on the spectrum. The main part of the site is only accessible to people who register. This site is not a forum, it is friendship/dating service. LGBT are welcome, and those who consider themselves asexual.
Aspies for Freedom
A resource for spouses and family members of adults diagnosed or suspected to be on the autistic spectrum. Our approach to one another and towards our significant others is directed towards solving problems in our relationship.
Meeting people for relationships is a lot easier with these on-line services. I think autistics may even have an advantage over NTs in the use of this media!
Stan P.
Dating is a threshold issue for people with AS and for that matter all autistics. The single most significant issue for people with AS is socialization in general and establishing couples relationships in particular.
Stan P.
This is a peer support service for adults on the autism spectrum. Personal relationships and sexuality issues can be explored openly. It is suggested that participants reserve a nick and email address for use specifically on this site as an aid to maintaining confidentiality.
I do what I can -- but I am human and become frustrated. I am patient but not always gentle. Sometimes I become exasperated and critical - even though I understand the root of the problem and genuinely want to be helpful.
Sue Snyder
With patience and understanding, however, bridges can be built. Two people, one with Asperger's and one without, for example, as is the case in my relationship, can learn what it is each other values, and how each other relates, what stresses each other and what calms or comforts each other.
A.J. Mahari
Those most difficult to reach are those who are very bright and have a lot of talent because on the surface everything is normal.
Machou
I depended on the women I dated to use the 'cranial concussive therapy method' in order to let her intentions be known to me. In other words, a woman would have to explicitly tell me and/or give me a hug to let me know that she desired to date me.
Stephen Shore
It is the spouses and the siblings and the children of those afflicted with AS whom we are trying to reach. Especially those whose relative has not been correctly diagnosed with AS until well into their adulthood.
Discussing this takes us back to a familiar theme here: The theme of who is in charge of one's feelings. If every time something happens or doesn't happen, a stranger or a person familiar "does" something to cause your emotions or feelings to change, you attribute that emotion "to" the other person, you are giving that person or that event unreal power. The thing "causing" your feelings is external to you. While it can be approached, avoided, or just let be, the person in charge of what that event, person, experience "does" to your emotions is you, ultimately, and not the event, person, or experience.
Roger N. Meyer
The wife of one man with Asperger syndrome described his condition as causing 'extreme emotional indifference' which was neither voluntary nor deliberate.
National Autistic Society
Where there is lengthy conflict related to separation, and where one party has Asperger's Syndrome, we submit that the source of post-separation conflict is likely to be found predominantly in the problems generated by the neurological disability.
Sheila Jennings Linehan
Where there is lengthy conflict related to separation, and where one party has AS, the source of post-separation conflict is likely to be found predominantly in the problems generated by the neurological disability
Sheila Jennings Linehan
These notes were compiled by trained counsellors from Derby Relate, who have expertise in supporting couples where one partner has Asperger syndrome.
National Autistic Society
"It was a friendship I didn't want him to lose sight of," said Ms Bruce. "It was worth taking chances. He had everything to gain and nothing to lose."
Lance Anderson
Many Men and Women with Asperger's syndrome fall in love, more often than not with people who are not Autistic themselves.
A Relate-trained couples counselor with a particular interest in the needs of AS couples.
Maxine Aston
From the beginning and awareness that something is wrong...
Carol
Whole book store sections are devoted to the techniques of marital and relationship problem solving, negotiation, and self-help. Because of the special kind of logic that folks on the spectrum bring to these common problems, the work involved in getting through them--one never gets completely "past them"--is much more deliberate, out in the open, and "blatant." But there's nothing wrong with being any of those things. Because those of us on the spectrum ARE dense about the subtleties, it doesn't hurt to have the velvet hammer lying around on the living room coffee table where in other relationships it's probably in the glove compartment of the car or the night stand drawer.
Roger N. Meyer
A number of studies have shown that what apparently contributes to the solidity of the marital bond is an on-the-same-page perception by both spouses that they are at the same place. The perception or impression that both spouses have is the thing, not the objectively determined similarity of their actual behaviors. If both spouses believe that they are moving in a common direction, such a belief takes precedence over any differences in behavior they manifest, because the perception is the deeper reflection of a commitment that the marriage will work.
Roger N. Meyer
Does your partner's behaviour puzzle, baffle and bewilder you, cause you deep hurt and distress, make you doubt your own sanity, yet your partner appears to be oblivious to all of this? It may be of help if you learned something about Asperger's Syndrome.
In truth, there is no single, representative AS marriage. There are only individuals struggling in these marriages. Because every adult with AS is different, so too are the marriages, affected as they are by a significant neurological difference.
Sheila Jennings Linehan
If the arguments, comments and viewpoint of a person with AS can be discounted simply through that identification, there will be a temptation to employ this as a tactic where high levels of conflict are present (for whatever reason).
Alyric
Talk to your spouse! Avoid teasing. Listen to what your partner says when he tells you what he needs. Keep a sense of humor. Reassure him *with words* that you know how he feels.
Charlotte Riggle
Partners of people with AS are remarkable, usually ladies but not exclusively, who have shown a degree of compassion, loyalty and understanding that's absolutely incredible. Clearly they also need their own emotional support.
Tony Attwood Interview
I have not met an adult male with Asperger Syndrome who's not been bullied and teased while at school so quite often they've been vulnerable for some of the worst experiences of what other people have done.
Tony Attwood
In this paper, the authors describe some of the elements that have made our Portland Aspergers Partners Group a success. Our group focuses on the dynamics of communication in the marital partnership. In the first part of this paper, we describe our values and how we "work." The last half of the paper describes how the group works.
Roger N. Meyer
If they get married at all and if it is to be a good marriage, it will only happen after they learn to love themselves first and seek a complimentary, compatible partner, probably close to but not in, the Autism Spectrum.
Jerry Newport
Interview with Brenda Wall and Maxine Aston about relationships with people with autism and Asperger Syndrome.
British Broadcasting Corporation

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